Goodbyes

I left home Tuesday morning to spend some time with Robin and her family while Carter continues his chemotherapy. It took several days to gather things and pack, and I got so excited to be with Robin's family again; but I wasn't prepared for how hard it would be to leave home and my husband. He was so helpful getting everything ready for the trip, he made sure the truck was in good shape for the long drive and even programmed the GPS so I wouldn't get lost. Pulling out of the driveway all by myself with over 800 miles to drive was difficult but I knew it was the right thing to do. 
Many years ago, when we lived in Idaho and our kids were small, Dave spent about 8 months working in California. I stayed home and tried to fill the role of mom and dad, it was a difficult time for all of us. Dave came home every month or so and I loved that, but here was always another goodbye waiting around the corner. During one of those long months I saw a movie called 'The Other Side of the Mountain'  about an Olympic skier named Jill Kinmont who also had some separations from the one she loved. One scene gave me comfort; she and her sweetheart were saying goodbye and as she was crying he said 'just be grateful that you love someone so much that it hurts so deeply to say goodbye'. 
I thought of that Tuesday morning,and a few times since. I feel like only half a person without my sweetheart, I guess we have started the process of becoming one.
The next few weeks will be full of joy and wonderful opportunities here with my grandchildren, and I look forward to the day when Dave comes to drive home with me and I will feel whole again. 

Carl Bloch exhibit

Last week Dave and I went to Carl Bloch exhibit at the BYU Museum of Art.  When we arrived I rented an iPad which was loaded with a program that gave commentary on the paintings on display and others in the collection. I saw things in the paintings I might have missed without the comments and observations offered.  Since we went on Monday afternoon, I suppose it was a family night activity for many, there were lots of families there with their small children. But there was a reverent feeling in the gallery,  people moved about quietly. There was plenty of room to sit in front of each painting, and many were there reflecting on the beauty of the art and on the majesty of the Son of God.

This was the first painting we saw, it is a beautiful rendition of Thomas and the resurrected Lord.

It depicts the moment Thomas, having doubted that Christ had been resurrected, believed. I think I understand his feelings as he realized that all Jesus had foretold about himself was true; maybe he had one of those precious experiences where he had a mighty change of heart and became even more converted, changed by the ministry and love of Jesus.

Another painting that was on display.  The Savior's love for children is evident in his face, perhaps we are all included in his protective embrace as this child is. How careful and tender we should be with each other, always reflecting the love Jesus has for all of us.

 This painting was not included in the exhibit, but it is one of my favorites. It hangs in the Provo temple where I see it often. It reminds me of the love the Savior has for women, how much he wants to teach us. His invitation is constant to all of us, to come unto Him and he will reveal himself to us, as he did to this Samaritan woman to whom he testified that he is the Son of God.

I love this painting. It depicts the humanity of our Savior, reminding me that his suffering for our pains, sicknesses and sins was given at great cost to himself.

The healing power of Jesus is beautifully shown here. Just as he caused the lame to walk, the blind to see, and the lepers to be cleansed,  he can heal our sorrow, our discouragement, our loneliness, grief,  sinfulness, and pain of any kind. He is the Healer, the Bread of Life, the Living Water.

This painting was new to me, I don't remember seeing it before. The look on the mother's face is heartbreaking, her grief and despair are evident. The heavy burden of the death of her child weighs heavily upon her, even as the Savior, he who will raise the dead, comes through her door.

I had an experience with the scriptures recently about the healing power of our Savior.
I was reading 3 Nephi 17: 7-10

Have ye any that are ^asick among you? Bring them hither. Have ye any that are lame, or blind, or halt, or maimed, or ^bleprous, or that are withered, or that are deaf, or that are afflicted in any manner? Bring them hither and I will ^cheal them, for I have compassion upon you; my bowels are filled with mercy.

 For I perceive that ye desire that I should show unto you what I have done unto your brethren at Jerusalem, for I see that your ^afaith is ^bsufficient that I should heal you.

 And it came to pass that when he had thus spoken, all the multitude, with one accord, did go forth with their sick and their afflicted, and their lame, and with their ^ablind, and with their dumb, and with all them that were afflicted in any manner; and he did heal them every one as they were brought forth unto him.

 And they did all, both they who had been healed and they who were whole, bow down at his feet, and did worship him; and as many as could come for the multitude did ^akiss his feet, insomuch that they did bathe his feet with their tears.

As I read this passage I wished I had been there, to have taken someone I love, or even to have presented myself, to be healed, to have felt his love and power as he ministered to his people.  But I have been healed by him, I have felt his love and power and compassion.  Someday I will see him again, and will reverently bow before him and bathe his feet with tears of gratitude and love for his mercy, goodness, patience, and willingness to forgive one so undeserving as I.

Some random pictures

I am the kind of person who always needs a project to work on.  

I recently made these hats for Robin's boys.

more hats for Carter and Jude

I sent this monkey hat last month, I'm making another one right now.

I made these blood-bug eating monsters for Carter.

 He is trying to grow his own and I thought these might help.

2nd ward Relief Society, we love these girls!

The 2nd ward Relief Society had a dinner a few weeks ago and so we got a picture. We have come to love these young women, and will be so sad to see many of them leave when the semester is over in a few weeks.

Rick's dog Mateo, he is spoiled

We recently went to see Rick, and got to meet his new dog. I have to say that he is very spoiled. 

I caught Cache stacking my cans

Cache keeps us hopping. He can now open the pantry door by himself and is quite fascinated by it all. 

Sometimes he just climbs up on the step stool to look around in there. Luckily there is a flashlight in there too, so he is never in the dark.

Jonas

I got this picture from the Brundage Mountain web site, Jonas is quite well known there.  
What a skier he is, I think he loves it as much as his dad does, if that's possible.

Live like you believe

My brother Jim told me a story a few weeks ago that made me very sad and yet inspired.

It's about a young woman from Washington who was murdered in late 1982, a victim of the "Green River Killer".  The serial murderer was caught, after a nearly 20 year killing spree,  and eventually made a plea agreement in Nov 2003, pleading guilty to 49 murders, to avoid the death penalty. As part of the agreement, he faced the family members of his victims as they vented their anger, frustration, and hatred.  This video clip is part 5 of a 5 part series done by A&E. It is a little long, the most important part, the part that touched my heart, is when Mr Rule, father of Linda Rule, spoke to the killer, Mr Ridgway (start at 3:42 and go to 5:09).

 

I have wondered how I would react in Mr Rule's place. Would I show compassion to one who caused me such unbelievable heartache? Would I choose to put my beliefs into practice, under such extreme circumstances, and live like God wants me to live, no matter how difficult it might be? 

Several years ago I was counseled by a member of my Stake Presidency to let go of a grudge I was holding. I felt justified in my ill feelings, this person had been a part of the most emotional pain I had felt in my life. My family had been disrupted and the hurt and anger I felt was deep and bitter. I did follow the advice I received, and was able to eventually forgive. The odd thing is that the person I was angry with probably never even knew; I was the only person being harmed by my holding a grudge. I hope I have grown since then, that I now would be able to forgive more quickly than I did then. I admire Mr Rule for his desire and ability to live like he believes.

And I have been inspired, as you probably have, by the stories and accounts coming from Japan about the kindness and compassion many of the people are showing in the face of such devastation, loss, uncertainty, and lack of life's necessities. 

How would I act if a life-changing natural disaster hit my town? Would I be willing to share the necessities of life for the well-being of others? Would I live the Golden Rule then, when it would have such real consequences? 

I am grateful for these two recent examples of kindness, compassion, and love, no matter the circumstances. I believe hard things are coming for us, that there will be many opportunities for me to live like I believe in difficult times. A favorite scripture verse is encouraging:

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

What makes me stronger

Once in a while I require myself to do something that is difficult. It could be speaking up when I'd rather stay quiet, or going without sugar for a month, or maybe I will read a book that I have to work at, or even invite someone I don't know well over for dinner.
There are not many hills around our house, but the wind blows a lot. When I go jogging I am usually in the cross wind, but for 3 or 4 blocks I 'run' straight into the wind. I feel like one of those cartoon characters whose legs go like crazy but they stay in one place. Then once I turn the corner and the resistance is gone, I feel like I'm going twice as fast as I really am.
Pushing against opposition builds muscles, character and commitment. It shows me what I am capable of, that I can do difficult things.

Things I learned from Carter

I spent January with Dennison and Robin and their family while Carter went through his first round of treatment. It was a bitter-sweet time: I loved being with them, but the situation was hard on my heart.
Having never been around anyone going through chemotherapy, I wasn't sure what to expect. We had more good days than bad days, and some memories are etched in my mind and are very sweet and comforting to recall.

Carter and me the day I left to go home

During those days and weeks I realized that all challenges are opportunities, and all opportunities include challenges; it’s all in how we look at it. Take advantage of challenges, learn something; don’t just get through it, make the most of it; come to know God, gain experience. That’s easy to say, harder to do. So this is an opportunity for me to learn and grow under circumstances not presented to me before. I kept a journal of sorts and am grateful for the insights I had, and that I wrote them down.
Here is my list of what I learned from my sweet little Carter~

 * be brave when you have to do hard things
 * do what you can for/by yourself
 * ask for help when you need it
 * listen to the boss, no one else
 * find happiness in simple things
 * get out when the sun shines
 * let your happiness show
 * know what you want, don’t settle for less

January

This year started much differently than we expected. On 31 Dec. Dave and I started for Robin & Dennison's house after hearing of Carter's diagnosis of leukemia. I decided to stay in Wa until his first round of treatment is over at the end of the month. I will write more about this experience when I get home to my computer. You can follow his progress at cartersmightyfight.blogspot.com, see it on my blog list below as Carter's Story. Thank you for your love, prayers and support.